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Roger Clemens is getting a little too creepy for my taste. I think he should consider cashing in on the reality TV craze. Maybe something like "The Rocket: Light My Fuse." The ratings would blow away anything Ozzy Osbourne put up. What's next with this guy, betting on baseball? Dude, Mindy McCready?

A simple game: As Skip said in the movie classic "Bull Durham": "You throw the ball, you hit the ball, you catch the ball." The Cincinnati Reds — who soon could have the worst record in baseball — have serious issues in all of these areas.

Through 30 games, the Reds have scored three runs or fewer a whopping 17 times. You can look it up. That means they were up against it in more than half their games.

On the other end of the spectrum, take the St. Louis Cardinals, who were supposed to be bad this year. Through 30 games, the Cards scored three or fewer runs 10 times. In this case, the numbers don't lie.

Greatest hits: I remember the first time I had to watch our first child by myself. When Nicole started to cry, and her bottle didn't do its job, I sang "Take Me Out To The Ball Game." It calmed her down, and I've used those soothing lyrics thousands of times through the years.

That tune turned 100 last week. There's nothing close to it in sports. I'm more convinced of that after watching a bunch of women in huge hats sing "My Old Kentucky Home" before the Kentucky Derby. "Back Home In Indiana" is OK, but too staid. "Hang On Sloopy" is on my top-10 list. "Welcome to the Jungle" is not. Any thoughts? Let me know.

Politics as usual: Anthony Gutierrez is a piece of work. Marc Dann's partying sidekick, who reportedly intimidated co-workers by bragging about his "family's involvement with the Mafia," lasted about as long in Columbus as Greg Oden.

I'm assuming Gutierrez is back in Youngstown, hanging out at the Bada Bing and watching "A Bronx Tale." I think he was the boss in that movie. Anyway, if my column does not fill this space next week, you know that I've been whacked.

Quick hits: Wright State softball star Jherica Williams is featured in "Faces in the Crowd" in the May 5 issue of Sports Illustrated. ... Call me a stickler for the rules, but did anyone else see the Wizards' Caron Butler travel before hitting his game-winning shot in Game 5 against the Cavs? ... Another bad week for Indiana basketball. More players ejected. Brad Brownell's probably lucky the Hoosiers didn't come calling. ... Save Dot's Market. C'mon, who's going to picket with me?

Contact this reporter at (937) 225-2163

or bkollars@DaytonDailyNews.com.

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